When I realized that I was HIV positive, all the persons that I interacted with encouraged me to return back to God, but I was very stubborn. My reply was I am not going back to Him because of my diagnosis. Yes I believe that God can heal me but I was not going to make this sickness the reason for returning.
Even though I was not attending church I drew on the Christian principles that I was grown with. Then I realized that this was not enough, and in January 2008 I started attending church. This is when I faced discrimination in the church, and not knowing what to do, I ran from the church again. LOL
You see the whole existence of Jesus Christ is based on a four letter word LOVE but this was not displayed at the church. I remember telling the pastor that I wanted to be re-baptized and she told me that when we visited another church she would allow me to do it there. Then I said, “Why should I go to another church to be baptized when this church has its own pool?” I just stopped going.
It was August 2008 that I received a job which transformed my life and brought me closer to God. When I began working at this job I was nervous and afraid wondering if I was open with my diagnostic report, would I be asked to leave. So, with apprehension, I began to work. I started on a Wednesday and the following Monday morning there was a bible study session. I was taken aback because you don’t see this happening at the workplace. It was at one of these weekly bible study meetings that I reconfirmed myself with God and exposed the secret that I was carrying in my heart.
I know that I am far from being an ideal Christian but I have learned so much about God in these weekly bible study meetings that I have begun to apply the teachings in my life. Even while writing this, my Dad was discussing about an ointment that he bought. His first thought is “I wonder if this will work,” and my response to him was “Stop giving the devil reason to make the ointment not to work. You should say this ointment will work through the will of God.”
It is good when you are reading the word of God and applying it in your life. I have started to do this and it has made me feel so wonderful and positive minded. There are some things that I have learned that I would like to share with you:
1. Forgiveness – Displaying this allows me to stop holding grudges
2. Murmuring – Once I have forgiven, I also stop murmuring about the negative events that took place in my life.
3. Love – Starting to show love again allows me to start smiling again. The smile that I have lost over the years has come back, and people have noticed and commented on it.
4. Prayer – Using the format of A.C.T.S. Which is Acknowledgment,
Confession, Thanksgiving and Supplication, I have seen where
the spirit of God is playing a great role in my life.
I am not saying that everything is rosy and smooth sailing because you know when you are doing the things of God then the devil is right there to place fear in your heart. Yes, he is right there lurking and sometimes I will allow fear to creep in. But then I just reprimand myself in the way of a reminder, which is that God does not give anyone the spirit of fear. I place this on my heart and repeat whenever fear comes to the forefront.
I love this passage of scripture: “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it” - 1 Corinthians 10:13.
Yes, I have lost friends and a job; but in this I have also gained friends that have empowered me and a job that has enabled me to know a greater Friend who will never leave me – Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour.