August 3, 2010
Back in April, I wrote about going to clinic and discovering that my CD4 was 420. My doctor and I decided to do a new CD4 and Viral Load blood test which was done.
On July 28th, I went for my due appointment and my CD4 result was 712, am presently awaiting the result of my Viral Load. Now I know that this is not my doing but the Almighty God Jesus Christ because am not on medication. This has open my heart more to draw closer to Jesus Christ and to know Him better Spiritually. When I received that phone call from my former employee that day I now fully understand that it was Jesus Christ talking to me when she said “Kerry don’t worry, I know that you love to worry.”
At the time if I was at the Spiritual level that I am now I would interpret it has my lord saying to me “Am here for you believe on me”. But at that time even though I talk about Jesus Christ passionately and lovingly I still never know Him Spiritually.
My Spiritual Walk With God
In June the guy I fell in love with over the internet told me that he is married, we have been corresponding 17 months. I was so distraught because I thought he was my hope, but I was living in the Natural at that time. So during my bleeding heart I was told by my Pastor mentor after discussing it in devotion, that I should go on Seven days Fasting because what has happen is a trial. This is the first time I have ever FAST and this is when my Spiritual Walk with God began.
My Spirituality started and I was able to understand what God promises meant and that they are true. Then I find myself having Theme for the week, my first Theme was “I need a Touch from you Jesus”. I went to church and my life was transformed. A song was singing about having Jesus Christ as our Joy, then I started remembering all that I went through. This is when I started jumping and shouting “Thank You Jesus it is you that carried me through my 13 years of bondage.” In service that day I was dancing and rejoicing. That is when I started to see the awesomeness of the God I serve.
Bible Study
Bible Study is an important factor into a Christian Life. “How many of us really see the importance of it and seeing it the way our Heavenly Father want us to?”
On July 28th, I went to Bible Study and I discovered by the Holy Spirit that these Study Bibles are giving misleading and wrong information. The best Bible Teacher is the Holy Spirit. Before reading your bible ask the Holy Spirit to give you Spiritual Eyes so that you will see the Bible the way our Heavenly Father want you to and not allow the devil to cloud your mind in the Natural.
Once we accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior we are working towards a home in the Spiritual Kingdom. This Spirituality is not for us to jump up and down in church and speaking in tongues without an interpreter. It is for us to know our Heavenly Father, His enemies and what the death of Jesus Christ truly means to us mankind. Once we are able to open our eyes to this reality then we will be like Jesus Christ.
My advice to you stop saying that Christianity is hard. It is a seed planted into our mind by the devil. If you hear your Spiritual family members uttering this, then rebuke the devil and let him know that he is the enemy of Jesus Christ and so he is also yours too.
My brothers and sisters in Christ know who you are and who you belongs to in doing this you will not be lead astray. Remember that our home is not here on earth (Natural) but in the Spiritual were happiness, Peace, Joy and Eternal life awaits.
May Jesus Christ through the Holy Spirit saturate you with His Spiritual Awareness.
Come to me all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30
Hugs, Love and Blessings
1 Comment | 
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Posted by Ksurrina
June 25, 2010
Have you ever felt frustrated not knowing what to do or where to turn?
I was rebaptized in January and I started to believe that this was it. That my prayers are being answered and so all is well. I remembered attending church one Sunday and my bishop told me that my trust and faith in God was weak and that I need to start developing this. My answer to him was that he doesn’t know how far the Lord has taken me from and that he doesn’t know me. Looking back I cannot believe how stupid I was and how full of myself I am at the time. Lol
Between January-March I spend my time continuing to live the life I was used to spending all my time here on the internet and worrying about a long distance relationship I had. In March my laptop started giving up on me. It was on my birthday April 15, I declared that am 34yrs old and so my life begins now.
Building of my Faith and Trust
All this time I thought that I trusted the Lord and that my faith is in abundance but now I know differently. A cheque was outstanding for me, every time I called for it I was told that I will be getting it soon. One day I became frustrated and I said “God let thy will be done where this cheque is concern” couple weeks later the still quiet voice of the Holy Spirit says “Call about the Cheque” and when I did, I received it two days later. I started rejoicing but during my rejoicing I became sick. I said I know this is an affliction instead of giving up I started looking at my Christian life.
In the month of May I was able to purchased a refurbished desktop and paid an outstanding phone bill that my father ignored without telling me. I was able to eat food after earnestly praying to God. This month allowed me to see my Heavenly Father and the Savior of my soul Jesus Christ.
Fasting
June came and I started to be more mindful of my Christian walk but then a trial came up which having me crying for 3 days. I couldn’t take it any more and so when I went to devotion at the office where I recommitted to Christ I told my mentors Pastor Jackie and Cherryl what was happening to me. Then I was told to fast for seven days.
I have never fasted in my life. So the next day I unplug the computer tidy my room, have a bath and reached for my bible. Those seven days has opened my eyes to who my Heavenly Father was, what He wants of me, whose child I am and what it means to be obedient. Then I realized that the Holy Spirit was always inside of me since the age of 8 when I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, but I was too disobedient and so I went into captivity. Yes sin to me is captivity which caused me to feel hurt and pain.
Now am rejoicing in the Lord because I now surrender all to Him. I know that trials and temptation will be coming my way, but I also know that Jesus Christ is there to help me along; instead of my usual worrying I will just use a scripture or a song to comfort my soul, knowing that my Lord is right there and He will take me through. Now I know what Christians always talked about being saved after baptism. But to me it is not saved but change.
I now understand what the word of God says that we can never be in the presence of God and still be the same. Now I feel like Moses when he went up to Mount Sinai and came back down with his face well shone that not even the children of Israel wanted to look at him. I feel like a new person with a heart that has never seen scar and hurt.
I am thankful today that our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ didn’t give up on me. That He is a patient Lord.
So my friends don’t give up on yourself no matter what you are going through. Reach for your bible and pray sincerely Jesus Christ our Lord is there waiting to give you comfort through the Holy Spirit.
Continue to be bless, hugs and love
Leave a Comment » | Christianity, HIV/AIDS, Jamaica | Tagged: Faith, Fasting, HIV/AIDS, Jamaica, Trials and Temption, Trust | Permalink
Posted by Ksurrina
May 8, 2010
I came across this article on Naijipals.com about a fellow female who is determine to succeed in life. She is unable to finance her college tuition and so she did the unthinkable.
She learned how to drive a Keke. A Keke is a public transportation in Nigeria. While reading this article my heart swelled with pride knowing that this young lady is determine to be someone in life so she went the non traditional route.
http://www.naijapals.com/modules/naijapals/nigeria?topic=36727.0
Our Heavenly Father Jehovah told us that He will take care of us. Jesus Christ told us in His words that we should seek and we will find, knock and the door shall be open to us, ask and it shall be given.
How many of us in our situation sit down and cried in our miseries instead of venturing out. I challenge you today to be like this Nigerian do the non traditional to gain success and remember in everything place our Heavenly Father at the Head through the blood of Jesus Christ and He will pave the way for you.
All is well when we learn to depend on the Trinity. Three different Heavenly Spirit working in one accord.
Hugs and blessings
PS: Ksurrina now has a CHATROOM. It would be inspiring to have you stopping by
http://ksurrinahivchat.com/
1 Comment | Christianity, Determination, HIV/AIDS, Health, Jamaica, Motivation, Nigeria | Tagged: Ambition, Determination, Independence, Motivation, Naijipals, Non-Traditional, Religion, Spirituality | Permalink
Posted by Ksurrina
April 7, 2010
Today was my HIV doctor’s appointment and while at the clinic waiting one of my former employee called me, her message was “Kerry don’t worry, I know that you love to worry.” Two hours later my doctor showed me that my CD4 count has fallen from 650 to 450. I lost 200 points in no time. He said medication for you and I said Doctor NO. He said ok and suggested that we do another one. He did his regular test and said your chest is healthy but you have to be careful because of this fall in your CD4 the lower it is the more demential it is for you.
I sat there asking him what I should do to boost my CD4. He answered by telling me to eat right and exercise. Although I already know that this was the answer I still asked because the worrying as started. I also faced the fact then and there that I have to start eating properly that I wasn’t doing. His next response was you are now due to do another Viral Load test. So he gave me the papers to do another CD4 and Viral Load. The result I got today was the test I did in December 2009, at the time I re-did a HIV Positive test which confirmed that am indeed HIV Positive (I redone this test because there were persons in Davey’s Chatroom who told him that I wasn’t HIV positive and he has banned me without confirming it with me) . It also confirmed that I have no other Sexually Transmitted Disease.
Upon reaching home I went to my Facebook writing a status update when what Sidoney said came back to me ‘Kerry don’t worry, I know that you love to worry’. At that time when she said this I never know what she was saying to me and so I started telling her that am at clinic and about my association with Eve for life. Her credit got finished before I was able to complete my sentence to her and when I called her the connection was bad. The last time I spoke with Sidoney was in 2008 but today God used her to reassure me.
Yes I begin to worry and was explaining in my Facebook Profile Status about my CD4 when those words came back to me then I saw that God is indeed there for me. My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ as used His angel to tell me all is well not to worry. Now am smiling because Jesus Christ is indeed in my fight and so I have lift myself up again. Yes the devil have me for some minutes but he as lost out again.
Now am smiling again why should I worry when I have a Lord and Savior who died on the cross to give me life more abundantly, why worry when my Heavenly Father Jehovah, is the possessor of Heaven and Earth. Should I still worry when the Holy Spirit the comforter and teacher is there to remind me of things that I have forgotten so that I can be happy even after an hour of sadness. I have three different Heavenly Spirits working into one accord who love me and looking after me. So I have no need to be in depression.
Thank you Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior, I love you with all my heart. It is indeed well when Jesus Christ is the center of our Joy.
Psalm 145 is what I leave with you.
BE BLESS!
Leave a Comment » | HIV/AIDS, Jamaica | Tagged: Christianity, Depression, HIV/AIDS, Jamaica, Mysterious Ways | Permalink
Posted by Ksurrina
April 3, 2010
Have you ever consider these 3 words and understand how powerful they really are? Take five minutes of your time and ask yourself what does ‘I Love You’ really means to me?
Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior commanded us to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. John 3:16 told us that ‘ God so love the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whomsoever believeth in Him shall not perish but as everlasting life’. After reflecting on these words should someone be taken seriously when he/she says ‘I Love You’ to you? But what if saying these words to someone who is battling with low Self Esteem, one who doesn’t know that God’s universal language is Love.
I enjoy watching Nollywood Movies. I see some of them being truth to life and so when they just arrive on Jamaican soil I spend a lot of money purchasing them instead of night clubbing etc. So in October of 2008 it would be naturally for me to pray for a Nigerian husband. Lol. In December of the same year I met my first Nigerian friend Amila on a HIV dating site. We started corresponding in January 2009.
Our friendship started to grow and this is when I begin to notice that at the end of our conversations he would ends with ‘I Love You’. Battling with low Self Esteem I gravitate towards these words. At this time I never know the difference between the Godly words ‘I Love You’ to the Moab (flesh) words ‘Am in Love with You’. So it was no surprise when Amila said to me let us start a long distance relationship I agreed with a warning ‘don’t break my heart’.
By this time I was slowly coming out of depression becoming more aware with the Words of God and understanding what Jesus Christ death symbolized to me. When misunderstandings started between me and Amila I started visiting Naijipals. Naijipals is a Social Networking Site for Nigerians and friends. This is where I started to become very observant in the online culture.
While participating on Naijipals I realized that saying ‘I Love You’ to a person is normal practice and if you are battling with low self esteem then you will easily fall prey to the predators using the Online Dating Sites. With this knowledge I started pushing myself to know the difference between the Godly and Moab expressions which are now being used very loosely. In doing this I recognized that no one can fall in love at first sight. This only happen after years of building and working together as a team once an interest for relationship has been developed.
My friendship with Amila he has ended which I have no regrets. I have no time to harbor regrets in life because God always know why He places persons in our lives and I have come to believe that not everyone comes to stay with us until we dies. So the work that Amila was send to do has accomplished and so his time to move on has come. I appreciate what he as done and I love him as a brother and I wish him all the best that God has in stored for him.
The death of Jesus Christ is a symbol of Love and during this festive season we should stop to pause truly reflect at what His blood symbolized to us. Are we using these words ‘I Love You’ for selfish reason or is it that we are following the advice of Jesus Christ we should love our neighbors as we ourselves.
The next time someone says ‘I love You’ to you don’t confuse it with ‘Am in Love with you’, learn to know the difference. Remember the greatest gift in life is LOVE. John 3:16
Have a happy and holy Easter Holidays.
Hugs and blessings
6 Comments | HIV/AIDS, Jamaica | Tagged: HIV/AIDS, Jamaica, John 3:16, Love, Nigeria, Nollywood Movies, Overcoming Low Self Esteem, SELF ESTEEM, Social Network | Permalink
Posted by Ksurrina
February 26, 2010
I visited my doctor on Monday February 22, 2010, not my HIV Specialist but my Family Practitioner Dr. R. Dowe. I anticipated this visit because I had not been there for the past three (3) years.
As usual the waiting room was full and my waiting period was approximately one (1) hour. Sitting there I started to reflect on the day I was diagnosed then I come to realized that during this difficult period in my life he was not only my doctor but the Angel that the Lord has sent to guide me.
It is now four (4) years of my diagnosed and it is because of the brotherly advice of Dr. Dowe that I was able not to see the virus as a foe. Even though I went against his advice of not telling anyone, an advice that I am totally against I appreciate all the time he spent on searching around to gather information for us. I pray that the good Lord Jesus Christ continue to bless and strengthen his practice, enriched his life, the members of his family and all those that are impacted by him.
Being Diagnosed for 4 Years
It wasn’t an easy road, overcoming depression, learning about myself, striving to build a business and having my one on one relationship with God, through it all am thankful to still be alive and being medication free. (Yes I have a phobia and it is the HIV medication. The reason being once you are on it you cannot come off).
Eve for Life
This organization is for Women and Children living with HIV. It was founded by two powerful and wonderful women of God Mrs. Joy Crawford and Miss Patricia Watson. Their mission is to educate and empowered women who are living with HIV in Jamaica. I know that with God’s continual presence in their lives and this organization it shall be accomplish. There is more information here http://eveforlife.org.
Regrets
WOW are there any? Will I deem mentally ill if I said NO. Lol There are times when we look in our lives and see that because of disobedience we end up on the wrong tracks, but the Heavenly Father in his infinite mercy did not allow it to consumed us. So because of this outlook I said No, I have learned from my mistakes and so instead of harboring regrets I prefer to use those mistakes to strengthen me.
Nothing in life can stop us from achieving our dreams. Obstacles will arise but it is you the individual who should take the negatives and turn it into a positive. My favorite line is ‘I am positive in blood so why shouldn’t I be positive in mind.’
Shout Out
Now I cannot end this without giving a shout out to my Nigerian friends Amila, Deji, Prince,Vincent, Ambrose and Uby, American Friend Sandybabe .
The Love of God is within us, learn about it, practice it and your lives shall be enriched.
God bless You All
3 Comments | Christianity, HIV/AIDS, Health, Jamaica, Religion | Tagged: Friendship, HIV/AIDS, Jamaica, Regrets | Permalink
Posted by Ksurrina
January 19, 2010
I pray that all is well with you and that you have made a good New Year Resolution. Remember that there is nothing in life which is impossible with God and he will provide for you. All we need to do is open our heart to Him and be sincere in what we ask for. The bible talked about a double minded person and so be very sure of what you need this year.
In life there will be trials but it is not the valleys we find ourselves in but the perseverance and strong will we have to be successful. Now remember that in setting goals we need to be conscious of our financial life and so preparing a budget is good. You can download a budget form at http://financiallysmartonline.com you will find it in the financial tools section.
HIV/AIDS Leadership Seminars
This seminar is now finished. I have been to 9 different areas which were sometimes nerve wrecking for me. It was the grace of God that brought me through some of them. The discrimination and stigmatizing that were displayed helped me to recognize that ignorance is the main factor for most individuals; who are uncomfortable to be around persons who are living with the disease. It always give me great pleasure knowing that at the end, they are more educated and are eager to contribute back to society with the things they have learned. As we know that ignorance is based on fear and so once armed with knowledge it makes life much easier.
My Health and Rededication
In December 2009 I went to the clinic for my regular check up and was amazed at the continued presence of the Lord in my life. My Viral Load showed a tremendous decrease that astonished both me and my doctor. Since being diagnosed in 2006, I have not been taking medication because my CD4 is still above the requirements. To see my Viral Load decreasing I know that this is God’s doing and nothing that I have been doing. Hence I still believe that miracles still happens.
Even though I was a backslider at the time I always recognized and acknowledged God’s divine presence in my life. The doors He has opened for me and so on January 10, 2010 I rededicated my life to him. I am glad that I have taken this step once again. God has carried me through so much and so my continuing work in His Kingdom is my repayment to him.
His joy, love and peace are more to me than anything else. I am glad that I never went to church the moment I was diagnosed with this disease instead I learned to build a one on one relationship with him. It gives me great pleasure in knowing that I went back to him because I see his wonderful works inside my life.
So my friends I just want to encourage you to build that one on one relationship with Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior with him nothing is impossible.
Hugs and blessings to you all.
Leave a Comment » | HIV/AIDS, Health, Jamaica | Tagged: Christainity, discrimination, Health, HIV/AIDS, Jamaica, Love, Religion, Stigmatization | Permalink
Posted by Ksurrina
November 21, 2009
On Friday November 20, 2009 I did my first official Public Speaking at the Port Henderson Leadership Seminar. The aim of this Seminar was to educate citizens living inside the community about HIV/AIDS so that they can teach others. We started out with some ice breakers which were fun and so it helped my nervousness.
Even though I was a bit nervous I wasn’t afraid of the task at hand; but I wasn’t prepared for the level of discrimination that was present. I was discriminated before, but nothing like what I saw on display at this event.
The meeting began with a prayer and then there was the ‘HIV/AIDS Basics’ presentation. I was glad that persons were able to gain knowledge about this virus and were able to quell the myth that it was transferred from monkeys to humans. This is one of the most uninformed concepts which are being spurted about the disease.
During this period of the meeting, words like “AIDSY” and opinions such as “persons who are living with AIDS should be placed on an island by themselves” were being said. Tears welled up in my eyes. It was time for ‘Stigma and Discrimination’ where the presenter was trying her best to let the audience know that it is hurtful to stigmatized and discriminated. They still never saw what she was getting across to them.
Then when I realized that nothing that she was telling them would stop the negatives, I got up and introduced myself informing the audience that I was HIV positive. Immediately there was a silence inside the room. A man walked out from the room. Then there was the usual muttering “how comes you are positive and looking so good.” This is when I took them through the stages of my diagnosis; what I went through as well as what I did to overcome the obstacles.
After I talked for about an hour, the man who had walked from the room came back in and listened to what I was saying. I was just being myself in that room, talking about God, my love for my friend Amila and my aspiration of having triplets. (LOL) I encouraged them that having HIV/AIDS was not the end of the world, and that the important tasks for infected persons were to love themselves and still reach for their goals.
The man who had left the room earlier sent an apology to me at the end of the meeting, which I accepted. He said he was sorry to walk from the room; but he was glad that he was able to be there because he would never believe that someone living with the virus would be as happy as I was.
I am thankful to God because it was not me, but Him, that allowed me to be able to go through my presentation; so that these persons left with a positive outlook about living with HIV/AIDS. Although the gathering was a small one, if they practice what was taught then I know the door is partially open to help the fight of stigma and discrimination in Jamaica.
Remember: HIV/AIDS Stigma and Discrimination STOPS with YOU.
BLESSINGS
9 Comments | HIV/AIDS, Jamaica | Tagged: Aspirations, discrimination, goals, God, HIV/AIDS, HIV/AIDS Public Speaking, Jamaica, Stigma | Permalink
Posted by Ksurrina
November 14, 2009
There are times misfortune comes inside our lives. For us living in the HIV community it is hearing about our positive diagnosis. It could have been worse like dying on the spot in a car accident. After being diagnosed, some turn to drugs, illicit sex etc, but in the midst of all this the word of God says we should be thankful.
How many of us rediscover ourselves after being diagnosed with HIV? I have and I am thankful to God for giving me this opportunity. Before being diagnosed I was a God-fearing, kind-hearted and never-say-no person. These attitudes gave me a lot of friends and so I was never lonely. In the first two years after diagnosis I lost all of these friends and I went into depression. When the burden got too much for me I cried out to God inside my heart via a prayer.
The Reason I Am Thankful
In the past year and three months while building my one-and-one relationship with God I have rediscovered myself. In my discovery I learned to love myself, about God’s love for us, about this disease that is living inside of my body, personal finance, Internet marketing and personal growth.
I am thankful for the transformation that God has brought inside my life and the persons he placed to help me to achieve it. Special mention to the following:
Cherryl Hanson-Simpson – Financial Advisor
Pastor Jacqueline Cousins – EstDeb Ministries
Paulette Wolfin – Former Employer
Amila Gbenga Segun – Friend
These individuals have contributed positively to my life and because of this I am thankful to God for giving me the opportunity to be among them.
So in closing I would like to say never look at the valleys that seem uncrossable, just remember to be thankful because in the midst of it all God is carrying you and He has a purpose for you; hence the story Footprints in the Sand.
Ephesians 5:20 Giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Blessings
3 Comments | Christianity, HIV/AIDS, Health, Jamaica | Tagged: Accident, Friendship, God, HIV/AIDS, Thankfulness | Permalink
Posted by Ksurrina
November 14, 2009
We all have our various disappointments. Some we overcome while others we allow to consume us. But if we take what Paul said in 2 Corinthians then we know that we are in this world not to give up but to preserve.
I have had my share of disappointments; one of them allowed me to realize how fragile we are in the HIV community and if we are not careful we will give what we don’t have. With me it was my time and neglecting this blog along with my offline responsibilities.
This experience has taught me so much. One lesson that stands out is “No matter who comes inside my life, my goals and aspirations should remain the same and I must not be deterred from achieving them”. The Word of God says “who can separate us from His Love?” I now say “Who can separate me from achieving my goals?” and my answer is – no one.
No matter what comes inside our lives whether it is HIV, cancer or a bad relationship we should press on, brush ourselves off, and trust in God; he is there. For the past couple of weeks I have refocused and since then my self confidence has been rebuilt so much that I am feeling as if I am 18 yrs again.
So my readers I am sorry for neglecting you. Now remember, set your goals and no matter what comes in your way put your hand in the hands of Jesus Christ and it shall be well.
Blessings
Leave a Comment » | HIV/AIDS, Jamaica | Tagged: disappointments, goals, HIV, Jamaica | Permalink
Posted by Ksurrina
